Your grief does not need to be healed. There is nothing wrong with your grief. Nothing needs to be fixed. It is a natural reaction to the inevitable changes that happen as a part of life. Grief is purifying and healing, it keeps open the channels of the heart. Grief is another form of love, of loving and extending gratitude for what is changing, what has been lost and what is passing away. Grief itself is healing. It is a form of health to grieve, it keeps you vibrant, alive and open to life. If you do not grieve, it is a heart that is also closed to love and closed to life.
What is broken is a world that does not allow grief to be. What is broken is the lack of space that is held for love to pour its wisdom and grace into your tender heart. What is broken is a world where grief and emotions are pathologized and made wrong, making us feel wrong for experiencing what is normal. Even the death industry has been turned into a capitalistic commodity that has removed the experience of death and loss from our lives and placed it away from us, putting a price on it where it is expensive to die. Where, in times of deep grief one must think about money and expenses. What is broken is the shame that is created in the wounds where love wants to reside. What is broken is that we do not know how to be with what is most natural and beautiful about the flow of life. Love, praise, grief....love, praise and grief.
There is nothing wrong with your grief. There is nothing about your grief that needs to be healed. It longs to sing its song, to be witnessed, heard and held. For its wisdom to be known and for it's love to be praised into an even fuller life than what you had thought was possible.
You are both stardust and dark, grounding soil. You are the heavens of consciousness and the heavy, erotic energy of the life force of earth herself. You are an emanation of life and death every time you evolve or shed an old layer or emerge anew from old pain. You are the sky, sun, water, earth and space. You are everything and nothing, special and ordinary, perfect and imperfect, chaos and spaciousness, peace and conflict.
The in-between space is where life and you meet together, life as it is on life's terms and you as you are, naked and freshly you. The in-between spaces is where the alchemy happens that makes you, well you...where your soul dances in her ever expanding nature of both infinite life force and the finite aspect of this density of form.
This life is a giant in-between space, emerging at first from a womb and living, moving, breathing through this existence. It is not as fixed as we want it to be, believing our frozen nature to be safe, to be who we are and constructing a world around us to give us the illusion of safety when our nervous systems tell us otherwise. No. This is not acceptable. This way of living in fear and trying so hard to overcome your basic nature, it's not going to work anymore.
There is nothing to transcend. This is the time of awakening into form, of embodying this completely awe-inspiring precious nature of heaven and earth right here, right now. You are an embodiment of the in-between. The path of living into the pleasure of this comes through accepting the reality of death and grief, the cycles of life, metabolizing your own emotions and embracing the true nature of your heart....landing in self-love and pleasure that is immeasurable in the face of all else that is.
We cannot deny others the dignity of coming into conscious relationship with their inner life and, therefore, into conscious contact with Source. We cannot metabolize or take on the suffering of others in any way that is useful to anyone. When we attempt to meet others' in their pain and suffering by taking on that emotional energy and then processing through it ourselves, this is energetic co-dependence. It is an unconscious movement towards seeking safety and connection, towards attempting to escape what is feeling uncomfortable. It is also a survival mechanism many of us learned as children.
What we see in the world around us and in the suffering hearts of those we love often stirs up discomfort, scary feelings of powerlessness to change anything or overwhelming love. We want to do something. We want things to change so we can feel safe and, more importantly, we can experience loving connection. As children, we wanted connection and attention. We still do. It's what we are wired for and our psyches will find any strategy to get there. Unfortunately, these habits become so embedded in our cultural psyche that we start to think this is normal. Normal is not necessarily healthy. Normal is not necessarily love.
The best thing we can do is tend to our hearts, look at our triggers and heal our matches, heal our relationship to emotions and discover the essence of what love really is. This will help us first heal and having a conscious relationship with ourselves and source, then we can truly be present with another without losing ourselves or seeking our wholeness in another soul wound. We each have a soul wound. One of the most empowering practices I have found is learning how to harness my soul wound for spiritual power and as a path of connection to source and well-being, rather than something that needs to be fixed or soothed by things outside of me (or in bottles of wine).
Bringing true presence and love and compassion isn't about rescuing anyone from themselves or taking on grieving for the collective, it is almost a distraction and a perpetuation of early emotional trauma. It's all pointing the way towards our own healing so we can truly hold space and LIFT EACH OTHER UP rather than us all diving down into the trenches to take on each other's pain in an endless cycle. I'm a huge stand for unravelling this energetic co-dependence and healing the emotional soul wound that is at the heart of what is driving this patriarchal narrative. One. Step. At. A. Time. I am here as a guide, to hold space and walk the path with you and empower you to know your heart. I am here if you truly want freedom. Only you can do your work, but you don't have to do it alone
I have always seen and known things that other people haven't seen or known, or haven't wanted to acknowledge. Maybe that is special, or maybe it isn't, but I grew resenting the way I saw the world. It became a world I lived in alone, sometimes shared and then ignored or fought with or denied or avoided or rejected or punished. I've been cast out and judged and all kinds of things. None of these things ever had an impact on my truth or my view of the world, but they did have an impact on how I felt about myself.
It has cut deep, living in a world that basically wants individuality to fit into a box in order for us to belong, yet valuing the innovative thinking. If it fits and makes everyone comfortable. I started to think maybe I was crazy. I started drinking when I was 17 for a good 10 years. When I stopped, I just found other ways to drown out my knowing and punish myself for what I felt, getting into situations that didn't match my heart because that's what the world started to have me believe I needed to do.
It's my soul wound. It slices deep, to the bone marrow of my being. It's also my light, my power, my gift and the guiding light in my work. It got to the point where it was actually causing me tremendous pain and harm to not share my thoughts, to not speak my voice, to not do my work in the world. I have to. You have to. It's leaning into the pain and sharing the wisdom that comes from it. It's how we heal ourselves and each other whole. It's also a source of holy trembling, often I feel like I'm annihilating some part of myself every time I hit post. Not because it's super vulnerable or I care what other people thing, but because it's an act of rebellion against the fear I feel of loving my own genius.
We cannot hide our fear and our shame because then we hide our true strength, courage and light too. I know it's a real thing, being afraid of our own genius. It's the thing, the powerful way we see the world, create or feel called to speak, help others or move in the world to express what we want to express. Our culture is quite ill and honors some kind of false vulnerability that seeks validation and fears the kind that is truth and soul and courage and grit and grace. We are afraid of it because it touches that place in all of us, that soul wound that we don't know what to do with.