I have always seen and known things that other people haven't seen or known, or haven't wanted to acknowledge. Maybe that is special, or maybe it isn't, but I grew resenting the way I saw the world. It became a world I lived in alone, sometimes shared and then ignored or fought with or denied or avoided or rejected or punished. I've been cast out and judged and all kinds of things. None of these things ever had an impact on my truth or my view of the world, but they did have an impact on how I felt about myself.
It has cut deep, living in a world that basically wants individuality to fit into a box in order for us to belong, yet valuing the innovative thinking. If it fits and makes everyone comfortable. I started to think maybe I was crazy. I started drinking when I was 17 for a good 10 years. When I stopped, I just found other ways to drown out my knowing and punish myself for what I felt, getting into situations that didn't match my heart because that's what the world started to have me believe I needed to do.
It's my soul wound. It slices deep, to the bone marrow of my being. It's also my light, my power, my gift and the guiding light in my work. It got to the point where it was actually causing me tremendous pain and harm to not share my thoughts, to not speak my voice, to not do my work in the world. I have to. You have to. It's leaning into the pain and sharing the wisdom that comes from it. It's how we heal ourselves and each other whole. It's also a source of holy trembling, often I feel like I'm annihilating some part of myself every time I hit post. Not because it's super vulnerable or I care what other people thing, but because it's an act of rebellion against the fear I feel of loving my own genius.
We cannot hide our fear and our shame because then we hide our true strength, courage and light too. I know it's a real thing, being afraid of our own genius. It's the thing, the powerful way we see the world, create or feel called to speak, help others or move in the world to express what we want to express. Our culture is quite ill and honors some kind of false vulnerability that seeks validation and fears the kind that is truth and soul and courage and grit and grace. We are afraid of it because it touches that place in all of us, that soul wound that we don't know what to do with.
That soul wound will save your life. You may feel annihilated in the process of healing the shame that keeps you from acknowledging the power that comes from there, but it's worth it every damn time that holy trembling arises because it's another chance to lean into conscious relationship with that life force power that expresses itself everywhere in nature that also comes through you.
Your soul wound is the pathway to everything greater than who you think you are. It's time to unwrap this wound from shame, fear and grief. This is the healing that is the revolution. It is what will change this patricarchal culture we live in. It will be what bursts your heart free. This is what I stand for in my heart 100% and is the absolute purpose I offer the services I do. I know how important this is. And, how scary it is. And, how special it is to be a soul guide, emotional midwife helping you birth yourself back to wholeness. I am here. I am ready to walk with you, holy trembling and all. Message me, let's set up a time to chat and explore possibility together. Much love.