People Pleasing, Perfectionism and Trauma

There are so many patterns we learned to survive as children that are ways of being that are acceptable, almost cherished qualities, in our consumer driven, future focused society; one that idealizes perfection as a goal wildly unattainable by the nature of being human.

These internal patterns and habits of perfectionism and people pleasing are soul killers.

They further the split between our "ideal" self and our inner, tender, feeling and creative nature. It creates a deep divide between the wise animal of our body and the divine nature of our hearts.

Perfectionism and people pleasing are expressions of the soul wound, not who we really are individually or as a culture. But, these very pattens enforce us to not reveal the truth of our pain, the roots of our habits because it will wreak havoc to a system that relies on our pain remaining out of our awareness. This leads many to feel ashamed of the truth of their hearts, the wisdom of their bodies, true purpose or calling, or the particular ways genius wants to be expressed in the world.

We submit rather than rise.
We learn proper ways to package and project ourselves.
We curate ourselves as brands.
We compare ourselves to illusions.
People online are CRUEL and we think that's okay and then judge people for having "visibility issues."

These are responses developed as a result of certain kinds of trauma, particularly emotional in nature, that are continuously perpetuated by our society from government to schools to social circles to spiritual teachings.

To be so focused being perfect, just right or pleasing others in just the right way is truly the internalization of the death mother, a harsh task master that denies the tender heart and drives one away from anything remotely life affirming or soul fulfilling, but into the hands of dreams that are not ours. It's hard to be satisfied if what we are pursing is unattainable (or dreams that are not actually ours), but the harsh drive of the death mother is relentless.

We people please.
Or overly compensate in the other direction deep indifference of the hearts of others.
Same thing, other side of the coin.
A reaction, a compensation to protect the split off, unsafe self.

As in...
Fight or flight.
Freeze or people please.

We must abandon our authentic, tender, true selves to match the energy of those we come into contact with. We figure out who we need to be, how we need to be, what emotions we need to match, what we need to do to help or do in order to belong, be recognized, stay safe or to be successful and move up the food chain ladder.

This is energetic co-dependence.

People pleasing (co-dependency) is not love, it is literally a survival strategy we slip into when we feel we are not safe, feel we need or want something from someone, want love and connection, or are afraid of risking belonging by staying true to ourselves.

It's the result of a child who was not seen, heard, understood or valued for their unique soul contributions or truths. That child splits off from it's core vitality to please in order to survive. It does not learn how to love itself.

How is it we live in a world where no one really knows how to love themselves and yet the way our culture is set up perpetuates these exact response birthed from emotional trauma?

This really sets us up to be continually navigating insanity and a never ending hamster wheel of "self-improvement" rather than focusing on what really matters, retrieving our core, tender, feeling, creative soul self that longs to live in a world where life is affirmed, earth is thriving, the elemental feminine is honored and there is balance and equality between the polarities of energies.

Wholeness is a felt sense within the body.
That can only ever happen in the now.
There is nothing perfect about it.
Love and wholeness embraces the all.

The gap between what is and who we think we "should" be is a place of the in-between where we can actually retrieve our sanity, unwind our sensitivity from our soul wounds, discover emotional independence but maintain interconnectedness, reclaim the inner divine child, learn how to offer ourselves nourishment that satisfies our soul and ways to use our gifts to be in service to a greater good that ultimately feeds our heart that leaves us not longing for crumbs or empty promises.

Now is the place where we weave the future by honoring the transformational elements of our felt experience in this moment. Now is where we can retrieve our souls from the past and then move, one step and one breath at a time into an unknown future designed by discovering how to find more love, not less, in this moment. Now.